From The Desk <3 of Michael Gregorowicz:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
All things I've said or done to hurt you I never did, the economy is doing very well, all children will get presents this Christmas. No one is to cry for any reason. Everyone is to give everyone else a hug. All war is to stop. Beautiful flowers are to bloom immediately. Winter weather is to be suspended long enough for snow to melt and people to put on their PJs. Snow will immediately resume so that people snuggle more.
There will be plenty of sex in the champagne room, and strippers are to immediately fall in love with their ugly fanboi. All racists need to realize they are just pussies. Everyone from one race is to have sex with a member of every other race once a day for 3 months. Large tvs w/ sesame street will be erected outside in permanent sunny weather w/ super huge jugs of yummy orange kool aid for everyone to drink and watch sesame street on. Materialism is to stop immediately. Accomplishment is to only happen in the present. Futurists are to commit suicide. Plans are to be thrown out the window. Historians are ok so long as you don't let them get you down.
Christmas music should be played non stop up through 12/26 at 12:01AM. Everyone should love their gifts. Everyone should tell everyone that the gifts really don't matter. Everyone should tell everyone how much they love eachother. Everyone will be free. Everyone will hold hands.
Merry Christmas, or whatever this is.. just love each other.
--_-