oh hi,

didn't see you there ;).  it's been a long time since my last blog and really even longer since i was comfortable enough in my own skin to put any of my cards onto the table.  it feels so good to be where i am.  i am where i never thought i could ever be.  i faced huge internal fears and did what i thought was right.  i did what i had to do.  and i'm proud of myself for doing it.

i know lots of people don't and won't understand.. my actions, myself, or whatever.  and that's perfectly fine.  i just wanted to take a second to acknowledge the people who have.  you guys are fucking brilliant.  and it makes me happy i'm on this earth with you.  once upon a time i thought i could do it all alone.  i'm wiser now... also.. i'm having way more fun living life with you than i ever was alone.

settling in to my own self is taking longer than i expected, but if there's anything i've learned in recent years it's patience.

<3

(10:48) (@Mikey_) summon SilverBullet
(10:48) (@Mikey_) like.. the sun eclipses
(10:48) (@Mikey_) and snowy wind blows

(10:48) (@Mikey_) and the mountains come up in the horizon

(10:48) (@Mikey_) then you hear the train in the distance
(10:49) (@Mikey_) and suddenly a mountain explodes into ice crystals
(10:49) (@Mikey_) and the train roars through it

(10:49) (@Mikey_) then you get some side-shots to show how fast the train is moving toward whatever

(10:49) (@Mikey_) then it just goes
(10:49) (@Mikey_) 9999
(10:49) (@Mikey_) 9999

(10:49) (@Mikey_) and leaves

wow.. some fuckin sweet changes so far.  2009.. no drama.. head clearing up.  figuring out lots and lots of shit about myself and what i really want.  obama's president.  epaf is launching.  cant wait to get past these post-launch issues and put it behind me altogether.  lets move on.

i dont even want to think about the past right now because the present is so satisfying.  im glad to be here.  i am trying to find the drive i used to have without all the negativity.  it might be a deep search but i know it's there somewhere.  i feel full of love and able to focus.  i just don't or won't.  leafy is idle, i have lots of plans.. i'm starting to think about it again, it came so close to being done in that last push and then my life kind of changed completely.  at least the mg2 migration is done.

im happy to say things will never go back to "normal".  i'm off to find a new normal, or maybe not a normal at all.  i can't offer any reassurances and i won't.  i just want you to know that i love all of you :).

this should be fun.

--_-

What you'll need:

• Meat (enough to eat, some people like more or less.. preferably beef or lamb or even emu.. something red and dead)
• Beef Stock
• A bottle of Red Bicyclette Chardonnay
• Corn Starch
• Veggies
• Flour
• Salt and Pepper
• Some shit that makes shit spicy (like hot sauce)
• A huge pot
• A spatula (the more bad ass the better, see skihaus spatula)
• Olive Oil
  

First, cut up your meat into smaller chunks.. if you cook it long enough the chunks will disintegrate anyway, but we have to cut them up to brown them up nawtimsayin? so. once the meat is nicely chunked put some flour, salt, and pepper into a bag (take some of the veggies you bought out of the bag and use this bag unless you have a shit ton of meat, in which case a garbage bag will do.  Put enough flour in there to coat all of the meat nicely, a little goes a long way cos we're gunna rock this shit like shake and bake.  also throw salt and pepper in here to speckle it with awesome.  Shake the shit out of the meat and get rd to cook.

Get your pan ready by putting some olive oil (sall amt, enough to coat the bottom) in your big ass pot (no teflon, we're gunna be scraping bishes).  When it starts to get hot (if you really want to u can do the water sizzle test, but i mean you should know you aren't tarded).. dump your bag o' meat into the pot mmm meat sizzle.  The point of this exercise is to brown up the meat, which you will notice is not goingg to be very uniform in this big ass pot.  it's going to stick flour to the bottom of the pot and get brown and gross.  you must be on guard during this process, no walking away here (there will be lots of walking away later in the recipe so fucking man up and move the shit around with your spatula) this means scraping the shit out of the bottom of the pan so no flour sticks to it (little flour, dont be anal about it).  You will know when its done when it starts to become a losing battle and everything looks cooked enough to eat it w/o getting squeemish.  At this point you must extinguish your problems with alcohol.  open up your chardonnay and dump about half the bottle in there.  this will instantly stop the pain and pressure of fighting a losing battle.  there is enough in there for you to have a glass if you would like.  let the shit bubble bubble for a bit more, its gunna be boiling wine and meat, and seriously its one of the most delicious smells ever.

maybe 5-10 mins later dump one of those boxes of beef stock into the pot.  if you got cans, thats like 2 cans? maybe 3 cans?  the secret to this whole process is heat, you want to keep that crazy heat for a few more minutes so dont put something in there thats gunna dilute everything.  if you're cooking this on a wood burning stove or high heat, you can put all the liquid ingredients (read: the rest of the wine, and all of the stock on hand) in now.

go do your thing for a while, come back and stir once every 15-20 mins.  check the bottom for gross buildup, etc.. you've made tomato soup before i dont gotta tell you this shit.

now here is where you can do you a bit, put some spicy shit in there if you want, or put some more pepper if you want, or whatever.  the broth is going to transform over the course of the next 2 hours, so every time you change something give it a few minutes to work its way in to the concoction.

after about 2 hrs, the meat should be tender (enough), and the stew CAN accept your veggies.  I recommend waiting until 3 hours though for ultimate meat tenderness especially if you got really cheap meat. 

To keep the shape of the taters tho we need to thicken this bitch, since we dont really wanna boil it again either.. so.. corn starch + water in a cup.  get the broth going hotter hot hottest, and keep a steady stir, drip in some corn starch.  because of all the salt and shit in this stew you're going to need a lot of corn starch to get it THICK.  Eventually it will thicken to whatever you expect stew to be and you can drop in your potatoes, carrots, mushrooms, whatever you got lying around.  i am only putting potatoes, carrots, and mushrooms in mine but if you have any suggestions pls use the comment form below. 

now more waiting.  when the taters are done grub out.  keep the pot on LOW while the veggies cook though and keep it on LOW throughout the day.  a group of friends and i ate one pot of this shit pretty constantly from 3PM to around 2AM while it kept warm on a wood stove.  It was amazing.

i turned around
and what i found
had fallen back
to the ground

from my cold hand
to the barren land
i begin to understand

you must let go
or you'll never know
what the world
would like to show

it will go back
it might attack
you have to trust
when shit is whack

and here i am
and here i stand
alone at last
in no man's land

ready for
what's in store
my poor soul
would like some more